The Purr
by SpockLikesCats
Summary: Some not-so-"pure" unadulterated silliness from one of the writers who brought you "Strange Genitals" on Fanfic Anonymous. Check out the other entries for more laffs! It all started with the song "Detachable P3nis" by King Missile and several writers under the influence of "what-if," Spock-induced, goofy hormonal madness in the writing vein. Have fun and stay classy : D


_**Star Trek characters and their surroundings are not mine, just borrowed**  
**from Paramount/CBS, but written with love and a big smile, and not for profit.**  
Have fun readers, and remember, reviews are not only helpful but treasured!_****

_**Some not-so-"pure" unadulterated silliness** from one of the writers who brought you "Strange Genitals"  
on Fanfic Anonymous. Check out the other entries for more laffs! It all started with the song  
"Detachable Penis" by King Missile and several writers under the influence of "what-if," Spock-induced, hormonal activity.  
Also inspired my story "Put Your Junk in the Box."  
**Enjoy, and stay classy!**_

**The Purr By SpockLikesCats**

There were a few things Nyota Uhura enjoyed about being the partner of a half-alien sweetheart.

One, his touch telepathy, enhanced by his tendrils, curly stalks, or "tentacles," as Gaila persisted in calling them. You see, once Spock and Nyota were fully engaged in coitus, his tendrils could directly touch her in certain sensitive areas and send a mental "zing" right through her joy-parts. While his wonderfully sized, double-corona "jade stalk" could go on satisfying her vagina, or vajay-jay, as Gaila...well, you get the idea about Gaila. She just loved to have fun with "parts names."

His tendrils, if Spock and Uhura decided on "Human-style" coupling, could coil up behind his testicles and wait there politely until called upon.

One evening, as Uhura stroked his testicles, and played a bit with his tendrils [she loved when they curled around her fingers and gently uncurled], Spock said, "Ashayam ... would you stroke my lower back as well?"

He was already purring, deeply in his chest, and she moved her hands to his lower back, saying, "Tell me where, mpenzi."

"There! ... _There_," he said, trying to act calm.

She stroked, and his purr went from a constant PUR-RRR-RRRR-RRRR to a PRR-rrr-RRRRR-rrr-RRRR!

She felt what she had never felt before: that just beneath his lower back muscles, where the iliac crests met the thoracolumbar fascia and above his gluteus maximus, were two cavities, and in those cavities ... she gently explored, and Spock's erect penis, already large, got even larger, and he was now beginning to grunt a bit.

"They feel like ... balls, suspended in slippery tissue."

"Yee-eee-ess," Spock said.

She wasn't sure if he was agreeing with her, or vocalizing his pleasure.

"Spock, _are_ they balls? I mean, testicles?"

"Yee-eee-ess," Spock said.

"And you like for me to touch them?"

His verbosity at an end, Spock nodded and kissed her deeply. And they all got busy at once: his tendrils got to work on her joy parts, his lips descended to her breasts, nipples, neck, lips ... Nyota happily nibbled at his nipples, eliciting more grunts, and nuzzled his chest hair, and moved up to kiss his throat through which she could feel his raspy breaths. Spock pressed his penis into her center and in ... and out, pop-pop for both corona [coronae? she wondered, but lost track of her thoughts] and in ... and after twenty or thirty minutes of lovely slippery congress, they reached their climax in different voices:

"Grrr-rrrrr-RRRRRRRRRRrrrraaaaiiiiioooooooaaaaarrr rrrrrrr!" [Spock]

"Engh-enghhhhhh-enghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-agghhhhhhh hh-annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...AAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" [Uhura]

They lay together, overcome, praised each other, petted and kissed each other's hair and face respectively and wonderingly, and fell asleep in a tangle.

Uhura woke a little later; she had to pee. She went to the head and when she returned to bed, Spock had curled toward her side. She insinuated herself gently, lifting his uppermost arm to put around herself, and looked at him in the very low light of his quarters. When he slept he looked as innocent as a boy: his long dark lashes in crescents against his pale face, his beautifully-formed mouth stilled in a slight smile. And his hair, in sleep, was not so orderly. Since the end of Vulcan, Spock did not want to sleep in the dark; he preferred to keep the lights on at least five per cent, tinted red-orange to remind him of home.

Once he was asleep, deeply asleep, she had found she could "pet" him to her heart's content, and this would not wake him unless it got too sexual. She could gently kiss his face, which she now did. And raised her arm and wriggled it subtly around so she could pet the hair on his lower arm, which was nearly as thick as a cat's, and as soft.

Then she decided to experiment. She let her hand creep around his iliac crest [she loved looking at Spock in the nude; he had the most beautifully muscled torso] and found the indentation again. She pet it gently, feeling a tiny bit of "give," and Spock's eyes snapped open.

"RRRR-rrrrr-RRRRR-rrr-RRRRR" he said. He came strongly erect, and his tendrils sought for contact.

"Oh ... sweetheart, I didn't mean to wake you," Uhura said, feeling bad that she had disturbed his sleep.

"I should have told you. When you stroke these, it means you are ready for sex. Because_ I _will be."

His voice sounded vaguely ... not threatening, exactly, but impatient with any "games" he might be perceiving.

"Well, then, I guess we'll just have to go ahead, won't we," Uhura smiled, although she was a little tiny bit sore from last time.

"Yes. We will."

And they did. Spock, perceiving her soreness, proceeded very gently, and their union was quite lovely. This time Spock fell asleep on his back and Uhura contented herself with nestling her head in his shoulder and petting his chest hair and the Path to Paradise, or, as Gaila liked to call it, his Happy Trail.

The next day was a stressful one. They approached Deep Space Three for supplies, and Captain Kirk, as usual, was tense because, concentrating on their last exploratory mission, he had failed to plan ahead for the proper procurement requests for disbursement of supplies the Enterprise needed. Fortunately he had a Vulcan as his First Officer. Who had.

Spock and Kirk emerged from the captain's Ready Room and Kirk slapped him on the shoulder. "We've got the supplies, thanks to Commander Spock!"

Spock all but rolled his eyes as he approached his station. Uhura happened to be passing him and she winked. He frowned ... he was still not used to her winking at him. He was quite sure it was inappropriate, but if he was the only person who saw it, he supposed it was permissible. It did give him a little secret jolt, which he would never admit to anyone.

He sat down at his station and began reviewing the supplies coming aboard. Persaminators, 20 count, check. New improved Starfleet toilets, 100 count, check. Litter for Lieutenant M'Ress, 200 Kilograms, new! improved! recyclable, check. Small prey animals for Lieutenant M'Ress, non-sentient, 200 kilos, check. [Spock shivered.]

Plasteel for repairs to Bridge Viewing station [Kirk seemed to manage to crack, break, or scrape it on every mission], 2000 kilos, check. Lestriol, 700 liquid milliliters, check. Phylitol, 6000 grams, check. Coriander, one gram, check. Natural spices, oils, herbs and artificial flavors too numerous to mention, in counts too numerous to mention, check. Cinnamon, 6000 sticks, check. [Spock made some plans for some of those.] Cocoa Liquor, 70 liters, check [and ditto].

He continued through the checklist, and, when he came to the end, rose to bend over his station and convey that the order had been received and the official message of thanks from the _USS Enterprise_. Just as he completed the message, he felt a hand on his lower back. _Stroking._ Briefly, but _still!_ He turned to snap an order and saw Uhura smiling her broad smile at him as she walked toward her communications station at his left, her ponytail swinging in a flirty manner. He frowned as sternly as he possibly could considering his present condition and quickly ... _sat._

"Spock, could I see you for a minute?" Kirk said, from the center well.

"Captain ... I ... in a moment ... would that be all right?"

"Sure, Spock, I've got all day." Kirk kept the sarcasm out of his voice, because after all, he owed Spock and he knew it.

Spock concentrated. _Very hard. No ... hard is not the right word. Deeply. No, that is not the right word either ... I must ... fuck ... make love ... I mean ... I must ... be ... rational ... must ... conquer ... no that is not the right concept ... go limp, detumesce, limp, limp, go limp ... okay ...stay... stay ... _He rose and strode to the middle of the Bridge_._

"You saved my hash with the Deep Space Three commander today, Spock. Y'know her nickname is the Iron Maiden? Let me give you the rest of the day off."

Spock's eyebrows shot up. "Thank you, Captain," he said with alacrity. He exited the bridge, but only after he went up to his station, moved to the left, touched Uhura on a psi point on the back of her neck and said mentally, _You have been Very. Naughty. See me after shift._

Uhura fairly bounced into his quarters, like Gaila might have. She was expecting hot sex, but she got instead a very sour-faced Vulcan.

"Are you aware of the danger you put us into this afternoon?"

"Wha-a-at?"

"Yes ... danger. I was so caught up in my sexual concupiscence I had to wait before I could attend the captain. Do you understand that if we had been in a dangerous situation, I would have been too ... _distracted_ to do my duty?"

"Oh, no, Spock! I never meant-"

"And this is the problem; I need to thoroughly explain certain aspects of my being to you so that you can understand their implications."

"Well ... please do. Can I order us some dinner while you do? I'm hungry."

"By all means," Spock said. "Some khelissi soup would be most welcome."

Uhura turned to a computer and keyed in her order. "Do you mind if I order dessert?"

"Not at all." After a pause, Spock said, "I will begin. You must never touch me there when we are not able to copulate."

"On the Bridge?" Was that a smirk he saw on Uhura's face?

"No, Nyota, on my lower back...'balls.' My chenesi."

"Sorry, I was trying to be funny. Okay. I can't touch you there. Is there anywhere I _can_ touch you when we are on the Bridge?"

"My sleeve, perhaps?" Spock suggested. "It is not wise to have skin-to-skin contact. Actually, it is not wise for you to be touching me in any way on the Bridge, because I am a senior officer."

"Oh, go ahead and say 'superior' officer. Anyone else would."

"But I am superior only in rank, my Nyota," Spock said, utterly charming her. "Now. I have one thing other that I must convey to you."

She looked at him, his beautiful dark chocolate eyes, his Cupids' bow mouth, the curls at the corners; his lean physique, his intense expression, and thought, _You could read me the list of supplies and I'd listen to you all night long, baby._

"It is this. When you hear me purring, it means I must be sexually satisfied _right then_. You must stop whatever you are doing and make love with me."

"Umm ... okay. Not a problem!"

The processor beeped; their food had materialized, and Uhura took out the trays and put them on Spock's table so they could eat.

And then they had dessert: chocolate chess pie with a barely perceptible hint of cinnamon. It was one of Uhura's favorites. McCoy had put her onto it: it had a near pudding-like inside, with a crispy upper crust, almost like a chocolate creme brulee.

The doctor had said, one day, when they met in the galley, "Uhura, c'mere; take a bite of this!" He knew she loved chocolate. It was one of the vices they shared. Uhura looked at it and raised her eyebrows at him: _Are you sure it's OK?_ "Yeah, come on." He extended his fork. She slipped the bite into her mouth and the velvety inside melted on her tongue and the crusty top crunched in her teeth and she swallowed and smiled.

"It's heavenly! What is it?"

"Chocolate Chess Pie. My momma's recipe. Just look it up under Miz Leona McCoy."

"Oh my _God_, I will; I promise you that."

So she had, and she had enjoyed it several times. She had never tried it on Spock. She had heard that chocolate made Vulcans tipsy. Perhaps she should ask him.

"Is it true about Vulcans and chocolate?"

Spock took a large bite of pie, chewed it with all appearance of total enjoyment, and took another. "Yes," he said, and put the bite into his mouth.

Uhura was quite tired. For her, it had been a long day. Coordinating the reception and distribution of goods with the Supply Officer, monitoring and intervening in quarrels about the distribution, calling the captain to intervene in some particularly fractious episodes, had pretty much exhausted Uhura's spirits. So, twenty minutes after falling asleep, when she heard

PRRrrrRRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRR 

she at first paid no attention. She turned in the bed so her back was to Spock and fell asleep again.

PRRrrrRRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRR was right in her ear. She shook her head and laid her upper arm over her ear.

PRRrrrRRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRR His penis was pressed against her uppermost buttock.

Was that a _tendril _questing around the cleft of her rear? _Oh no you __**don't.**_

"Spock, what's up? I'm tired."

PRRrrrRRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRR 

Fingers moved to her psi points. _I need you. __**Love. Now.**_

"Oh for heaven's sake, Spock, I'm so tired."

PRRrrrRRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRR 

It was such a loud purr, and the tendrils so annoying in continuing their quest, that Uhura had to roll off her side onto her back. The tendrils drew back just in time to avoid being snapped off. "All right, all _right._"

Vigorous, soul-pleasing sex began, and Uhura's tiredness melted away. Once they were mutually and thrillingly satisfied, Spock clasped Uhura to his front and whispered into her ear: "I have told you about the purr, Nyota. Now let me tell you about the cinnamon."


End file.
